Wendy 的个人资料Swerds Rantings, Ravings...照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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9月19日 klutzThose that know me well know that I am a klutz. I come by it naturally. Despite 6 summers of gymnastics. Despite 6 years of ballet and several years of tap. If there is a way to injure myself in any given circumstances, chances are that I have or will in the future, injure myself.
Most recent occurance? Sunday night. Leaving the Master Chorale rehearsal in full concert dress (for me that's a full length, black formal gown). The parking lot of the church is recently re-paved. Smooth even. Yet my left foot found a piece of rock from the landscaping that had found it's way to the middle of the lot, near my car. So as I'm briskly heading to my car my foot lands on the rock, my left ankle rolls to the left and I land hard on my right knee. Ankle is a mild sprain, not even worth wrapping. The knee on the other hand is swollen, stiff, skinned, and just plain sore. I did end up heading to the ER that night and got sent to Urgent Care. Xrays of the knee showedno major break but the doc said something about them being "interesting" and sent them for review. I called today and they are clear. Thank goodness! Now I can put weight on the leg again and work up to loosing the brace and the crutches.
Beyond that I'm doing well. It looks like I'm going to be directing the EGF Senior High musical this year. I'm sure I will be blogging on that shortly but will also do my best to keep things positive as I know that at least some of students will likely stumble onto my humble blog. *waving* Hi Guys!
Well, I'm off to work on my concept design for the show for Mr. Voigt, my wonderful tech director. (Wow, that weird was to type!)
9月14日 Short Jason Stadstad updateHi everyone...It's been a while.....Jason has a few better days than others....last weekend he was unresponsive again from Saturday to late afternoon Sunday...very difficult time....he surprised us AGAIN and has been quite alert since then....he developed a respiratory problem due to his unresponsive state. When Lee and Shelly got him up and in a sitting position and later, into his wheelchair and onto the couch in the living room, he resumed breathing normally. They keep a constant vigil...they are very tired but strong. Jason's appetite is fair....pain is managed...He is alert and knows us all. Does not have short term memory....He is a trooper....
As I visited with them this afternoon, he was being helped eat his favorite soup made by his Mother....self spoon eating is not possible for him. However, he does use his hands to eat finger foods.
Please continue to pray for Jason's comfort and strength for his very courageous family.....
Thank you and God Bless Each and Everyone of You....
Peace on Earth
love, gramma reggie 8月30日 JusticeAlfonso Rodriguez, Jr has been found guilty of kidnapping resulting in Dru Sjodin's death.
It's a bittersweet day. I'm happy that this part of the trial is over. I'm so very happy that the jury has reached this verdict. It's finally some good news for Dru's family, friends and followers.
Now the penalty phase will begin. I fear these days may be the darkest yet for all involoved.
In theory, I support the dealth penalty. I want and need to believe that it is a violent crime deterrant. More and more I think the people that face the dealth penalty are people who would not have been deterred by anything. Short of death before they could have committed the crimes.
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Justice is demanded.
I heard a fact years ago, that it costs more to put someone to death than it does to house them for a life sentence in the US. I remember that the dollar figure was significant. But I remember thinking "It's worth it to not have these violent criminals on the street ever again." Now I sit and wonder. I wonder if the death of a murder would bring any comfort to the mother of a murdered child. I wonder if knowing that the person who killed mommy or daddy would bring any comfort to the child of a victim, no matter how old they are.
The only thing I know today, is that no death can bring a murder victim back. But if that death brings comfort to those most directly affected by the violent act, who am I to deny them?
8月24日 More CakesClass was interesting tonight. Definately fun and I like the results. Below are pictures of my cake. As well as the cake of a gal in the class who really hates clowns. I named her cake clownicide. 8月17日 Talking about Momma cat nurses squirrelsCute and bringing hope. Quote Momma cat nurses squirrels 8月16日 Survival ModeWhat triggers depression?
I know that in the "normal" brain, there are triggers--job stress, money issues, loss of a loved one, even world events can cause a depression.
So what's causing my depression. Marty asked me this the other day. This one seems to have come tearing out of the clear blue sky. I can't put my finger on any cause. Yet the rational side of me (and aparently my husband) demands that there must be a cause. Something that can be pin-pointed, identified and avoided at all costs in the future. But I haven't the foggiest idea what that cause would be.
This is the hardest of any depression I've ever faced. This is the first time in my life that leaves me barginning with myself to get my butt out of bed. It hit hard on Sunday and as is the nature of bi-polarity I was pretty much OK one minute and in tears, not able to stop the next. We layed down to cuddle some--trying to get me back to an even (or should I say somewhat-more-even) keel, and I felt rooted to the bed. Like getting out of bed for any reason would physically destroy me. Marty somehow talked me out of bed and into the shower where I stood sobbing while the water beat down on me. I've felt much the same for the last 4 days. At best, I've felt numb to the world. At worst, like a baby being shaken by the world--helpless to stop the shaking or help myself.
Money is an issue. Things are unually tight this month and may be so for quite a while. My diabetes is coming to a new start in that I'm now on injectibles. Insulin. It's also supposed to be less expensive than the oral medications were but so far it's not working out that way. Credit cards are maxed beyond maxed and the new minimums are beyond what we can pay. I've been cycling between different types of vaginal infections that have left me unable to make love to my husband in over two months and while Marty is loving and caring and understanding that is taking it's toll on both of us as well.
Just
feel
like
life
is
spiraling
down
down
down.
I want to get better. I need to. Just not sure how to start this time.
Maybe just asking for help?
But how can I accept help if I don't feel worth of receiving it?
I'm babbling now. So I'll stop. More to follow. 7月25日 Short Jason updateSent: Monday, July 24, 2006 10:42 PM
Subject: Short update on Jason Stadstad
Hello Everyone...
I haven't updated for a while....not much difference from last update...Jason's paralysis mid-chest down hasn't changed....has short term memory loss....weight and vitals remain stable...appetite fair to good...some days are spent in his bed until mid afternoon depending on how tired he feels...he enjoys music and watches TV...got to watch most of his two brothers' baseball and hockey games...enjoyed visiting with his cousins from Baltimore last week...spent an afternoon at Turtle River State Park with family and cousins and had a great time....
His hair came back dark and curly and has quite a crop!!!!!
He enjoys short visits with family and friends when not too tired....
Every day is a different day and we continue to pray for good days for Jason and family....
Thank you all for your prayers and concerns....God Bless Each and Every One....
Until next time....
GOLDEN WISDOM
It isn't necessary to
understand things in order to
believe in them.
love, gramma reggie 7月22日 More Avenue QSeriously folks, if you haven't heard this soundtrack please do. You may not like all of it but I'll darn near guarentee that there will be at least one song that will make you sit straight up and say "Hey! That's my Life!" and then you'll collapse into the giggles.
Presenting: For Now
PRINCETON: 7月20日 SchadenfreudeCourtesy of Avenue Q. This kind of describes my mood at the moment.SchadenfreudeGARY COLEMAN(yes, THAT Gary Coleman): 7月10日 Jason's updateSent: Monday, July 10, 2006 2:57 PM Subject: Jason's update..... Hi all...It's been a while since I wrote....Actually, there isn't much I can add that I didn't write in the previous email...Jason has some scary bad days, but then he rallies the next day and so we go on...It was three months on July 3rd that he and family were told he had hours, days, perhaps weeks to live....He "keeps on keepin on" his famous saying....He is getting extremely great care by his parents and family and from Altru Hospice...They all work hard, faithfully and gently with him....Lee works early a.m. until afternoon. Jason doesn't usually want to get up until after 1:30 and sometimes later...all depends on his "lethargic" days. His appetite remains fair...nights are long....conversation from Jason is limited depending on how he feels...last evening he spoke some and in fact, wanted to read the "classified"add section of the Grand Forks Herald. He amazes all of us. Jason is never left alone...He seems to enjoy rides in the handicap van....this van is such a blessing to all of them....It's so great for all of them just to get out of the house....Hopefully tomorrow night Jason can watch his brother, Justin, play baseball with his team here in the Manvel Park, but every day is a different day for him. Jason and his parents and Justin got to go to Minnesota via van to watch Jared play summer hockey state tournaments...Jason said he had a great time...Jared's team won 3rd place from many great teams, some of them from the Twin Cities. Lee and Shelly remain quite strong...their strenght dwindles when they get over-tired and stressed out....they too are amazing and I am so proud of them. God is Great. Thank you for all your continued prayers for Jason and family and remember to pray for Peace so our military troops stay safe and can come home soon.....and God bless all your loved ones. And so until next time, God loves you and so do I.... PROMISE KEEPERS In those moments when life looks so bleak and our distressess seem to overtake our praises, we reach out to God and just want to know tht He is there and He hasn' t forgotten our petitions. These are the times when we need reassurance of all His promies. And so we pray and stay faithful. gramma reggie 7月5日 Talking about Cats Watching Ping PongI'm sorry for the long time between posts folks. I'm still here. My health is still relatively stable. I haven't had a whole lot to say as of late and thus have been finding it difficult to come and write. For those of you who blog, let me assure you that I either read your site regularly, or would love to start if you would be so kind as to leave a comment with the address to your site.
Marty and I had our first anniversary earlier this week. We didn't do much. Presents were exchanged and he gave me the most beautiful card I have ever read. We stayed in for the most part. Cooked for ourselves. Spent a good portion of the day watching the Paula Deen mini-marathon on the food network. Also saw "The Devil Wears Prada" (thanks to XL93 where I won the tickets). I got a feeling similar to what I had the days after the wedding: "I built up so long for this?" But it was exactly us. Quiet, insular, intimate, and not needing anything else. But after hearing of how so many other couples are making that first anniversary into such a huge ta-do, it was also a little-----I don't know how to put it. The word that comes to mind is disappointing but it wasn't that at all.
Like most things that Marty and I do, we're just a little different. We didn't take a traditional honeymoon because we couldn't afford a big trip, and because my only first cousin was getting married a few months after our wedding---we weren't going to miss that for the world. So our "honeymoon" was going to North Carolina and spending about a week with my family. Well, instead of making our anniversary into a huge deal, we spent it alone and together, and we're going to go see "The Phantom of the Opera" up in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada in October. (We have the tickets---just don't know if we can offord to spend the night.)
OK, I've just re-read what I've written so far and realized that I'm more in the dumps than I realized or care to admit. And if you haven't figured out why just yet, all I'm going to tell is that money is beyond tight right now. But I still have hope (for the time being) that it will somehow work out. I hope.
Alright, enough downers. Watch this video. It cheered me up. but you may want to watch it with the sound turned down or off if you don't like hearing asian tv announcers with squeeky voices. You have been warned... Quote Cats Watching Ping Pong 6月5日 SpiritThis person continues to amaze me. I've been meaning to post this since I saw it in the paper on Saturday. But here goes. Check out this artice in the Grand Forks Herald for coverage on the Relay for Life. Below is a short quote that sums up why so many people love Jason Stadstad so much (including me) even if we have not yet met him.
...Shelly, spoke first. She said doctors discovered that he had a non-operable brain tumor when he was only 16. Shelly Stadstad talked of his bravery, saying that after he was diagnosed, he prepared for the ensuing fight.
"He decided he was ready to fight this battle, and he would be a survivor," she said. Jason then took the microphone and thanked the crowd for attending. Tears streamed down many faces in the park as he waved at friends in the audience. "I need all you guys to keep fighting, keep praying. We'll beat this." My health updateI'm here. Blood sugars are still all over the place and I'm still having problems with energy levels. I'm on a new-to-me medicine. The real name is Glucovance, generic version is glyburide-Metformin. With the new medicine, my blood sugar can get too low. This means that I'll be back to monitering several times a day (instead of the low suggestion of 2-3 times per week at one point or the previous recomendation of twice per day). I'll be checking between 3 & 5 times per day on average.
I am hoping that this med makes a noticable difference fairly quickly. Because that will be the only way we can justify the expense. Even the generic version with my decent medical insurance costs about $35 a month. On top of my thyroid meds (another $30 a month) and all other day-to-day expenses. ARG!
Fasting this morning was 186, I missed the time for my mid morning snack but just a moment ago before I ate an abbreviated one (Skippy Snack Bar) I was down to 144. Better. Not good--- but within guide-lines. 5月30日 Scaring myselfFor those of you that don't know, I'm a type 2 diabetic.
I haven't been taking care of myself like I should. I haven't been eating right. Haven't even been pretending that I intend to get any excersize. And I'm supposed to be a diet controlled diabetic. (Insert my own scoffing chuckle here)
Marty recently pointed out that I've been extremely tired nearly all the time lately. I hadn't realized it until he mentioned it.
And I've gained back nearly all the wieght that I had lost between my diagnosis in March 2004 and my wedding last July since New Years.
But what scared me the most was on Monday, I got up early to make a coffee cake for the family. It came out of the oven and Marty and I sat and ate some (I had more than I should). Then I proceeded to go back to bed at about 8am. And I slept hard for about another 4 1/2 to 5 hours. Didn't hear anything, had real trouble waking up. Even when I tried to get up I was still so tired and groggy that I felt like I was in a carb crash.
At about 4:30pm I finally dragged my butt out of bed and got cleaned up and ate "lunch". Then supper at 6. At 11pm last night I checked my blood sugar for the first time in months. I hadn't eaten anything since 7pm, my only drink was water or diet soda (no sugar or carbs) and my blood sugar was 293. I hadn't eaten in 4 hours and my sugar was still more than double what it should have been only 2 hours after eating.
I checked my sugar this morning about 4:30am (bladder woke me up---another warning sign) and it was down to 139. High but not as scarey. I should have been between 90 & 120. Took my thyroid pill and an hour later it was up to 147. Pardon me but WTF?
For anyone not familiar with what blood sugar levels should be, (and I may be off a little here as I'm going from memory):
Normal fasting blood sugar: 60-90
Normal post-meal: 90-120
My targets:
Fasting blood sugar: 90-120
Post-meal: 140-160
Marty's brother is a type 1 diabetic. His was adult onset and hit him like a Mack Truck a few years ago. He checks his sugars regularly and has an insulin pump rather than having to deal with shots. But as he was an adult and living 9 hours away when this started, Marty and his parents aren't familiar with how to deal with the day-to-day ins and outs. As his weight still seems to be flucuating a lot, I'm not sure his brother is totally in tune with what his body needs any more either. But the insulin pump does help him if he "carbs out" so he seems to be on a somewhat more even keel.
I have an appointment with my primary care doc on Friday afternoon. I called his office to see if I can come in tomorrow or Thursday for fasting bloodwork so that I can get back into a program or care regimen of some kind. And I'm going to insist that Marty come with me. We talked about it a little last night after the 293 scare. That if I'm going to be able to take care of myself, I need a little more support from him. He may be able to be satisfied on a meal a day but that's just not an option for me. Not to mention that it feels really crappy to be one of the largest people in the restaurant and have someone sitting across from me just watching me eat. I know what I used to think of couples like that and now my own thoughts are coming back to haunt me.
And the food that I cook will have to be modified a bit too. Baking included. I love to bake. But instead of making full batches, I think I'll experiment with half or third batches. Just enough for the family to eat in a sitting or two. That way it won't be calling out to me to eat more.
And I'll look into the lower carb pasta. 5月25日 Jason Stadstad & Relay for LifeHi everyone...Just a few lines. Jason is about the same as the last time I updated....he needs 24/7 care....rests a lot....has pain but managed with medication....appetite stable...vitals stable...stays in touch with his friends...cell phone by his side always...wheelchair ramp sure helps get him outdoors or for a car ride....likes to watch TV with his family/friends...Shelly has taken him out on nice days in his wheelchair to visit her dad and mom (a block away) and we had a family get-together at our place - Shelly and Justin wheeled Jason over to our place which is also about a block away...beautiful day, had a picnic in our back yard....brothers and cousins played catch, jarts, whatever....memorable time...took lots of pictures...
A busy time with graduations/receptions, weddings, fund raisers for Relay for Life/Amercin Cancer Society, June 2nd and 3rd - University Park - Grand Forks....Jason is one of the Team Captains...I am a member of his team...we are selling luminaries ($5 a bag) which will be filled with sand and a candle and name on each bag either in memory of someone who died of cancer, someone who has cancer, or someone who is a survivor. These lighted bags will be on all night. "With A Trail Of Light, There Is No Night". All money goes to our local Grand Forks County, American Cancer Research....Jason is a strong advocate for research in cancer. If you so desire and don't have this in your city/county and wish to help with this fund raiser, name/names of people you want candles lit for and a check to Relay For Life can be mailed to me at:
Reggie Stadstad - 1204 Western Avenue - Manvel, ND 58256. The open to all event starts at 6 pm June 2nd and goes on until 9 am June 3rd. It's a beautiful sight and feeling...names of survivors are read off. Lots stay all night..We had rain at last year's event...have pictures of Jason and some friends standing under an umbrella....his cousins, Janelle and LoAnn Stadstad (very strong members of Relay for Life and on Jason's team) held a huge bunch of helium filled balloons in his Central school colors and released them as his name was called...very beautiful...God willing, he can be there this June 2nd.
Sorry this got so lengthy....NOT "short update - few lines"....
Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts and support....
God Bless You and Your Loved Ones.
love, gramma reggie 5月18日 Long awaited Jason Stadstad update!Hi everyone....
I know..I haven't updated for some time now....It's difficult to do as Jason has a different day every day....for that reason, I won't go into detail.
Lots of people ask if he is at home...Yes, Jason has been at home and remains at home....Altru Hospice has been wonderful....He gets lots of loving care from family and he keeps in touch with his friends. Jason remains courageous and faithful. He does'nt complain. Tonight, he was sitting in the living room watching TV and visiting with us.
Jason uses a wheelchair, and in fact, his dad is building him a ramp so he can go in and out during our upcoming summer days.
All of Jason's family remains faithful and strong, and we so truly appreciate all of your continuous prayers Thank you forever.
God Bless Each and Everyone of You.....
Until later, and with a closing message from "Silver Linings"...
Moody Blues
Illness makes our moods like a children's windup toy,
crazily up one minute, flat down the
next; we cry and laugh, we worry
and celebrate!
Getting well is hard, complicated work.
May God lead us into full recovery,
but carefully--we're still a
bit unpredictable... 5月9日 Think Positive ThoughtsI'm going to try to get my Motorcycle Permit today.
Marty and I have come to the conclusion that we both enjoy our SUV's, and to a point we both need them especially in poor weather. But with gas at nearly $3 per gallon now and expected to reach $4 a gallon by the end of summer, something has to be done.
So as of now the plan is that if I can pass my motorcycle permit test, we're looking at picking up a scooter for me to use for daily commute and such things. The one we're looking at is a Yamaha 125cc scooter--anything 50cc's and up and most states will require you to have a motorcycle endorsement on your license or at least be working towards one.
So think good thoughts the next few days ok? And wish me good luck! 5月6日 Called on the carpetSage called me out on not posting recently. Fair enough.
I have been self medicating with Bach's Rescue Remedy for the last week or so and it's helped tremendously with the anxiety that I have been experiencing. Having the anxiety ease has helped the depression that I have been dealing with.
I had a massage yesterday. My shoulders and back feel better than they have in months! The massage therapist is a woman I used to get massages from shortly after my dad died. She's very into holistic remedies. For me, I could take or leave holistics but figured it's worth a shot. She's the one who recomended the Rescue Remedy to me and even brought me a batch that she had diluted for me. In talking yesterday, she told me of some diabetics who have had some sucess in evening things out in balancing thier PH levels---nearly to the point of the diabetes disappearing.
(I know that it doesn't disappear--I'm not stupid. But I'm not on diabetic meds and want to keep it that way. So I'm going to research some of the claims and things and maybe try some less invasive stuff like the apple-cider vinegar. It's worth a shot.)
The show opened Thursday to a crowd of 11 people. Yeah. Whoo Hoo. Crowd was abotu 4 times that last night and much more responsive. We're still working out some kinks in the second act but I don't think the audience knew that. It felt good. 4月25日 Inspiration in the strangest placesI've been stuggling. That much is clear and I really don't want to whine about it today. My most vexing trigger is not around and I'll let that be that.
I have been thinking lately about what gets people through rough times. For me, it is the support of friends that has carried me for much of the last year. Now add my psychologist back into the mix. Even after one session I'm already feeling more like myself. Less physical aches and pains as my mental burden is shared. Not lightened, but shared.
I also find my thoughts drifting more and more towards the Stadstad family. I have not had an update since the last one that I posted. It must be another aspect of being bi-polar that I both fear and pray for the worst for them. The worst being Jason's passing. I pray that it comes sooner rather than later as the family has suffered so much as it is. I fear for them as they have been fighting Jason's illness collectively for so long that I fear what not fighting it will do to them.
I have not lost someone close to me to a long and wasting illness. I have been lucky in that regard. And I know that everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently. I wish I could reach out and help them in a tangible way, but I cannot. It is their time to be together as it should be.
So I'll do what I can and keep them in my thoughts and prayers. I'll offer up my daily prayer of as little pain as possible for Jason and a peaceful passing for his family. And I'll continue to repost updates here as I receive them, as I know that at the moment this is one of the few places for those not on the email chain to receive updates.
And tonight when I get home, I'm going to hug my husband tight and tell him exactly how much he means to me. Because I can and I don't want him to go a day without knowing it. |
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